Brabus Maybach SV12

You know the feeling. Your share values are punching through the roof and it's time to cash in those big dividends. The money's piling up faster than you can count it and it's just itching, burning a whole in your pocket! You need to buy something, something big, something that shows you've made it! A Maybach perhaps? No no, much too… ordinary, you need something with real exclusivity. I mean really, who doesn't have $350 grand lying around nowadays? No, think…Bigger! Faster! Richer! Uglier! Think the V12 twin-turbo 640-hp Brabus Maybach SV12!If a 6-metre, 3-ton rolling showcase of opulence - loaded to the cufflinks with every hi-tech doodad imaginable, packing more heat than two Porsche 911 Carreras combined, able to match a Ferrari through every straight line performance yardstick - sounds like your cup of high protein meal replacement, then this, my friend, is your ride! You probably don't really care how Brabus manages to hustle 6000+ pounds of car to 60 mph in under 5 seconds, as long as you can smoke those plebeians in their little, pshaw, S-Classes, but here anyway is Brabus' formula:It all starts with a bump in displacement from 5.5 to 6.2 litres, using larger pistons with a larger bore and longer stroke. Brabus also re-machines the cylinder heads, adds precision-balanced piston rods, a custom crankshaft and a new camshaft, reprograms the engine electronics and fits a new dual oval-tipped exhaust system. It's quite a complete package; you have to hand it to them. The result is a monstrous 757 lb-ft of torque and a limited top speed of 300 km/h (186 mph).Peachy. But it won't do you much good if your new friends at the club can't tell a twin-turbo V12 from a lawnmower, if they don't feel more comfortable inside your car than in their own living room. Brabus' own finest leather, decorative seams and custom lambskin floor mats show off your impeccable taste on that account. Moreover, no option in IBM's catalog was left un-ticked: this Maybach packs enough computing power to make Cape Canaveral nervous, and that's in addition to all the gizmos necessary to keep this leviathan on the road. An 80 GB internal computer shares screen time with the TV/DVD player, connects to the internet at over 1.5 times the speed of ISDN and can be fitted to a printer or digital camera. And in case you want to check your email in the trunk, there's another laptop in there as well.Aesthetically speaking, this is the sedan equivalent of a tinted Cadillac Escalade on 24-inch chrome rims, meaning no-one is going to mistake this Maybach for any old Rover 75 (or Hyundai XG350, if you really want to be cruel). Finally, while little boys fret around with so called 'supercars' barely worth more than the average house, the SV12 will let you stand out from such a crowd of commoners. At a cool half million plus, it means business, and if you do too you'd better pick up yours soon, before another bubble bursts and the next big class-action suit comes your way. - by Traian Popescu

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